Rachel: Wasteland Barbarian Queen #4 (Part 2)

The Siege of Canterbury Commons (Part 2)

A long night of sharing Clover with Alexandra and Beatrice (1) left the Barbarian restless and pacing. As the caravan guards and her wife slept, she walked the fortified wall along the turrets. There, atop the mesa where once the AntAgonizer had hidden in her dim foresaken lair that was now used to store food and supplies, Rachel encountered Machete.

The angry and sullen young woman had no traffic with womanflesh, rendering her immune to Rachel's charms. The first time the Barbarian tried to seduce the sharp-tongued girl, Machete called her six incredibly rude names, one of which Rachel had not heard before. When Dominic apologized for his ward, Rachel laughed. “Civilized men are more discourteous than savages because they know they can be impolite without having their skulls split, as a general thing.” (2)

Instead, a strange sort of hostile friendship had grown between them. The women sat and shared a box of Potato Crisps, trading increasingly complex and clever insults as they watched the night from between two of the newest Turrets.

It was machete who spotted the armed force approaching from the NorthEast. Dozens of armed men and women, clad in black. Machette tapped Rachel on the thigh, at first causing the Barbarian to smile, thinking Machete had at long last admitted that she, like everyone else, wanted to sleep with her.

Alas, Rachel saw the girl's gaze and followed it, grimacing as she motioned for the young warrior to return to sound the alarm. Almost too late she spotted the shadow at her flank. Rachel spun a moment too slow, avoiding the swing of a blade that would have taken her head clean off. Too slow, for she took the hilt square to her jaw. The Barbarian was certain she had been addled by the blow, for before her stood a blurry form that looked entirely too like Carolina Red. Rachel would never know how the woman survived her fall from the water tower, for Machete's blade emerged from Red's throat before she could ask.

Machete cleaned her blade on Red's clothes. “I'll alert the others. Looks like Paradise Falls has sent troops backed up by Talon. You going to be OK?”

"When I cannot stand alone, it will be time to die," she mumbled, through mashed lips. "But I'd like a flagon of wine." (3)

Rolling her eyes, Machete called back, “Drinks on me if you're alive when I get back!”

Rachel braced for the first wave to come over the wall. The battle lust took her as she held one spot against ladders and ropes. Still, they spilled over. Red haze filled her vision as each cut and blow drove her fury to higher and higher burn. At some point, she heard the townsfolk approaching behind.

Reeling up, blood streaming down her face from under her dented helmet, Rachel glared dizzily at the profusion of destruction which spread before her. From crest to crest the dead lay strewn, a red carpet that choked the valley. It was like a red sea, with each wave a straggling line of corpses. She realized she had been corpses into butchered wetness. The first wave had fallen. The second held back at the naked, savage fury of the red haired woman. (4)

Machete ran to her side. “When did you get a helmet?” She took off the dented headgear. It had a Talon Company logo on it. Rachel shrugged. “Are the Iron Horses ready?” (5)

The Mechanist nodded. “Cleaned and repaired and awaiting only your command.” He threw a switch on his talisman and bright lights illuminated a clever raising platform concealed beneath the AntAgonizer's mound. There stood a score of the mechanical beasts.

The townsfolk stepped forth, clad in leather and helms. Rachel stepped into the light. "This day you become knights!" she laughed fiercely, pointing with her dripping sword towards the iron horses, herded nearby. "Mount and follow me to hell!" (6)

Rachel leapt astride her custom painted steed and lead the riders to battle.



Roaring down the battlements, the Canterburians charged the enemy. The Talons made a phalanx and set to receive the charge. The slavers were not so disciplined, and fell to the first wave of passes. Machete carried an Iron Dragon, and laid the remaining slavers to ruin with a rain of hellfire.

The Talons drove several riders to the ground, sacrificing their own to overbear the machines. Rachel ground several beneath her wheels, all the while swinging a length of chain from her first. Two Talons made the grave error of trying to intercept it. She dragged them to the edge of the steep drop and let go.

Rachel zoomed across the battlefield, intercepting and assailing where she was most needed. She leapt from her horse barely in time to save Roe from his own end at five to one odds. Between the two of them, the merchant partners survived to fight on.

It was morning before the last of the invaders fled. Exhausted and covered in the gore over a hundred dead, Rachel stood speaking with Uncle Roe.

“Our way has failed. There is darkness and evil in the Wasteland. I would be dead in my sleep tonight if not for you. And twice over in battle.” He knelt and offered his sword. “My Queen.”

The others followed, each kneeling. Even Machete bowed her head slightly.

Rachel nodded in proud satisfaction. “So be it. Arise, my people. There is much yet to do.” One arm around Roe's shoulders, the other Machete's, Rachel, Queen of Canterbury limped back to town to begin her reign.

(1 )From the Fallout: Van Buren design document notes.
(2) “The Tower Of The Elephant”, novelette; Weird Tales 21 3, Mar 1933
(3) “Rogues in the House”, novelette; Weird Tales 23 1, Jan 1934
(4) Entire Paragraph from “Black Colossus”, novelette; Weird Tales 21 6, Jun 1933
(5) Motorcycles.
(6) “Black Colossus”, novelette; Weird Tales 21 6, Jun 1933